RIOT

i dont really know what to talk about....ummmm, i guess, its just stupid and meaningless..hahhaha,,yeah, im sorry..i never edit anything i've wrote. so...whatever

but, anyway, i guess i wanna let you guys know that i will take some time off from buznett and maybe instant messasing (im always in that these days). I have to go somewhere, i dont know for how long..i need to do something that i should have done long time ago. I think this is the time i need to do it. Its not that i dont want to continue being in here, but i dont think they will allow me to get online or using internet at all....i wanted to, but you know..i have to obey them somehow..im pretty sure about it..

i guess, i will only talk to people who close to me, im pretty sure that they will allow me to bring my cellphone along..so, if you guys have my number, i'll probably talk to you..thats a sure thing...:)..but, i never give them to anyone especially,,uummm you know :)

this thing could lasts a month, 4 months..a year..i dont know. but, i'll try to send email to some ppl that always send me email.you know who you are :)...i'll write my email address for you who forget my email somehow when im done..

dont worry guys, im not going to rehab, prison or anything like it...its just i need some momment to set my life back in the place it used to be...

anyway, i've told my girlfriends to get online for me if she got time.she's online sometime next to me when im online..if you guys got a weird message or note, she wrote that!...im gonna miss her so much for sure...and of course you guys too...all of you guys whether the one who always send me note...you guys who added me, but never talk to me...and you, who read this journal now...

i will come back, so....peace out!!! whatever

diedraangel@yahoo.com
diedraangel@gmail.com

okay...this is a little update about my last journal..ummm..this place is really becoming like my some kind of life journal..i can talk and express everything and be myself!...simply because you dont know me at all..:)...so, i'm not even try to be a fake at all....

life!..at least right now, i feel a lot better..yesterday was really a mess for me...everything went wrong and i almost got myself run by a car yesterday on my way home...

actually..the thing is...i feel like i've let down everyone all these while, my entire life...the ppl close to me i mean...and i just realised that lately....when i'm alone...i thought i always got my friends...i always got the feelings that im living in a very interesting and fun life..i always get what i want......gotta admit that, i never feel alone until now..

i've done and said things about ppl, even to my best friends in my entire life...bad things .. and i feel fun doing that...and the stupid thing is..I DONT EVEN REALISE THAT ITS A BAD THING TO DO...you should never do that cos it will hurt someone...in my case everyone!....if i could, i wish i could...i will turn back time and redo everything....i will never do or say anything bad at all..BUT, ITS ALL TOO LATE NOW ..:(

everything went really bad to badest with my life right now....everyhting went really wrong...everything i do..or go...it ended up bad...my life is not fun anymore...i dont need my friends to say that to me...i realise it myself...

i wanna change myself now..my life..eveyrything before it too late...the hard thing is, i dont know how...how i'm gonna do that..i try to imagine that when i hungup with my friends, i'm a completely a different person...can we call that a fake!...but, dont worry..i'll figure it out somehow...

but still, i really feel i've done a lot of bad things and let everyone down all these while...it will never go away...i always got that guilt feeling inside of me for a very long time.... i never say sorry to ppl, i mean sincerely....that should explain how bad i am...

i guess...we should believe that..when you do or say bad things to ppl, it will actually turn back straight to you...even harder....

i'm glad i realise it now....but, im scared its too late ow...

I miss my mum now...:(

:)

Hey, this is for some of you guys who seem dont know anything about the girl in the band called paramore (never heard of it?..poor!..)....

The lead singer of Fueled By Ramen band, Paramore.
She just turned 19.
Her birthday is December 27, 1988.
She lived in Meridian, Mississippi until she was thirteen, then moved to Franklin, Tennessee.
She met two of her band mates in school.
Her hair is naturally blonde, but she often dyes in red.
She had a tough time growning up.
She was emotionaly and phyically abused by her stepfather growing up.
She can also play the Guitar.
She is short.
She likes putting makeup on for her the bands shows, because(as she puts it) she has to be one of the guys most of the time, so she likes feeling all girly when they perform.

there you go.....wanna know more, like her name or anything.....google for it!..like i did long time ago...geeshhh...

p/s..this go to most of my friends.....real world friends..who really.....really...extremely..poor!!!...(i'm sooooo shame...gosh!)..

:(

ahhh..i got bad flu today...and its worsen every seconds.....feel like dying now...gosh...let me die now!!!!!!!!!!!..oh, i have to thank my best friends cos i think i got this from her!!!..(i'm not gonna say her name, cos i'll kill her soon...and if i tell you her name, when someone died and its on the news tomorrow, you guys will probably tell the police i killed her...)

i got no immune system whatsover right now......:(
so, huh, usually when got flu, i'm gonna be very mean to everyone...that's include you!....simply because i'm not in the mood to do anything what so ever!!!what have you!

i'm not gonna be really active in here (like i am active all these while!).....if you want to talk or i've promised to do something, sooooo sorry...cos i have to break it and ignore everyting i've said or promised....sincere apologise..:(

anyway, anything just....be mad at me, okay ppl?...and i'll probably gonna be okay next week...dont wish me get well soon, just.....huh, anything...

signing out rockstars!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s is this a journal?..yeah, i guess..the worse journal ever in buzznet!!!

gosh!!...ummmm..i'm soooo damn tired right now...:(,

i just wanna say sorry to all ppl who dropped me note, message, email or anything at all because i dont really have time to reply to it...so sorry..Since new year, i've been bombarded with too many work and stuffs and stupid deadline to deal with...and i really dont have much time...:(....i havent got any nice sleep since last week..:(, (i'm like really shitty right now!!)....:(

but, i'll try my very best to come here (buzznet) and reply to anything you guys sent me...my promise :),..but, i really fell bad cos i got almost 40 notes this morning unanswered.....i'll try to answer it by today.....

hey, erm....i need to say somehting too, but..well....maybe later!!!!..:)

i just found out about my favoriteee band latest and i'm so happy about it!!!

Kerrang! Readers Poll

Kerrang's Readers Poll just came out and Paramore won BEST NEW BAND (Over Panic, Aiden, Bring Me The Horizon and Enter Shikari). Hayley was also named #2 in the Sexiest Female category haha, just behind Amy Lee of Evanescence.

Thanks to Hayley for scanning this for us, you can read the full thing HERE.(http://paramorefans.com/)

Congrats Paramore!!

the article's form http://paramorefans.com/

i'm happy now...something to make me smile for the rest of the day!!!yay!!

http://paramorefans.com/photos/albums/userpics/normal_e4f2803444.jpg

buzznett is really mean to me for the past 4 days now..first, it keep giving me this very cute message (according to my annoyance term!)...'BUZZNET WILL BE RIGHT BACK SHORTLY'...all the times..every hours and minutes!..arghhhhh...then, it keep asking for me password every time i try to return after dropping some notes and now, i cant even write any notes!..and i gotta hunch that it will be worse next week!..WHY?..*crying really hard!*....help me!!please!!!...why!...:(:(:(:(.......

its really gets on my nerves now.....so, to everyone..you know who you are..please forgive me for not replying to your notes or messages..its not my fault!...but i will take the blame!..:(..

 P/S - 'DIEDRA WILL BE RIGHT BACK SHORTLY'..more like it! :)

tomorrow is holloween i guess...but i wont be celebrating it simply because we never celebrate it in here in my country...dont ask me why cos i just dont know...its really sad cos you're not allowed to ask further why is that just because there's no reason whatsoever!.....erm, to me this is mean!...when you wanna know something at one point and you stuck with no ideas or clues about the matter!...i'm talking not only based on holloween but everything else...try to imagine this...there's something lingering in your mind that you really wanna know everything about it...you're dying to know all the possible answers concerning the matter....and then everyone said you just cant!...as simple as that!...what's you gonna do then?...forget everything?...let it just pass?...or even worse, let the matter keep lingering in your mind!...huh!...i really dont like this topic at all...but i'm not kinda person who wont just let things pass around me unnoticed!...i wanna the answers to everything!....i'm thinking alot all these years...when i was a baby, in school, in college and even now, at work!...huh, i'm searching some satisfaction for all the answers that i really dont know whether it exist or not i guess!...

Anyway, just let me keep thinking and dont bother to worry about it...:), and happy holloween everyone!

hey!...this is hard actually..hahahahhahaha..i hope!..:)

hey, i've decided that i should reveal myself in here for everyone to see...i'm so afraid if some of you guys think i'm some kind of pervert or anything just because i dont have any pics of me posted here!....i just thought so actually!..hahahahahahha....

anyway, yeah..you can see some pics of the very recent me in here!....but its only for my friends!..so, if you're in my friends list you will see me!..if you're not, SORRY!....you have to ask me to add you first then!....

erm...just dont be suprised!...or even upset!....or anything........

adios!

arghhhhhh...

i'm so bored like hell today!.....i got work to do, but i never do my work...untill last minute! hahaha!...:).....

where's everyone!....i cant live without you guys!.....arghhhhh....

think about this guys!

When you are born, you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are smiling and everyone around you is crying.

got nothing to do actually.......:(

but, maybe i'm gonna exploring some cave at my hometown again! :) really love doing that!

just last month i guess i went into the cave....i'm excited now! guess this weekend will not be so boring!

hey, wish me luck (find my way out of course)

what should i do then....to change my job or not....really hate this job....first thing first ok, i really love to draw/illustrate and being creative not being dull and meaningless crapped and motionless mind right i am now....i'm becoming more rebel than before, since started my job here..earn something that sooooooooo crapped in here, eventhough i gotta tell you guys that here is so free....i can almost do anything rather than just formal stuffs....i gotta chat all day long, playing games and even sleep at my office..so freeeeeeeeeeeee....:(

i wonder where's the old me has gone!..i used to be a nice person, not very talkative person, humble, and a shy, a verrryyy-verrrrry shy person..that's all gone! i dont know where and why!...i'm the badest of all now....that's what my friends say just now.....that's what make me wrote this......:(

but then again, i want and desperately need something to hold into in the future..right?...i gonna live my own life soon and really hope i can be better than this........i need to say everything that has been buried deep down in my heart for such a very long time already....dont i?

so, any comment? anything at all.......

peace!

hi back.....something come up over the past 3 days...bad ones....i've just found out that i got blurred vision...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh....dont really expected that actually..:(

to make matter worst, i failed in one big test...i've never failed in anything before...i'm not in the mood to talk about that....its a strange one to me...

haven't posted anything for couples of days, being busy actually (ya right!).....the interview?went smoothly, i guess. being interviewed for almost 2 hours....really hope i can get this job....so can can start to change my future.....

i'm actually upset with someone in my workplace....BUT WHO CARE...she not even important to me :)....The one who you think is your best friend is actually the one who will stab you in the back......you know why, the person know almost everything about you...SOMETIMES...it happen to me......

anyway, not gonna let this crappy and diamondless thing effect me, just do what i do best...CARRY ON WITH MY LIFE....

till next time.....................................................

hey...hope everyone makes my day today.....just got back from my hometown now...so tired...have to rush back to work today....it cant be any worst, i think....Got one big job interview this evening, hope i can present myself well then.....everyone please give me a good prayer and wish me good luck......can? i relly hope for this job actually.....MAKE MY DAY....