RIOT

okay...this is a little update about my last journal..ummm..this place is really becoming like my some kind of life journal..i can talk and express everything and be myself!...simply because you dont know me at all..:)...so, i'm not even try to be a fake at all....

life!..at least right now, i feel a lot better..yesterday was really a mess for me...everything went wrong and i almost got myself run by a car yesterday on my way home...

actually..the thing is...i feel like i've let down everyone all these while, my entire life...the ppl close to me i mean...and i just realised that lately....when i'm alone...i thought i always got my friends...i always got the feelings that im living in a very interesting and fun life..i always get what i want......gotta admit that, i never feel alone until now..

i've done and said things about ppl, even to my best friends in my entire life...bad things .. and i feel fun doing that...and the stupid thing is..I DONT EVEN REALISE THAT ITS A BAD THING TO DO...you should never do that cos it will hurt someone...in my case everyone!....if i could, i wish i could...i will turn back time and redo everything....i will never do or say anything bad at all..BUT, ITS ALL TOO LATE NOW ..:(

everything went really bad to badest with my life right now....everyhting went really wrong...everything i do..or go...it ended up bad...my life is not fun anymore...i dont need my friends to say that to me...i realise it myself...

i wanna change myself now..my life..eveyrything before it too late...the hard thing is, i dont know how...how i'm gonna do that..i try to imagine that when i hungup with my friends, i'm a completely a different person...can we call that a fake!...but, dont worry..i'll figure it out somehow...

but still, i really feel i've done a lot of bad things and let everyone down all these while...it will never go away...i always got that guilt feeling inside of me for a very long time.... i never say sorry to ppl, i mean sincerely....that should explain how bad i am...

i guess...we should believe that..when you do or say bad things to ppl, it will actually turn back straight to you...even harder....

i'm glad i realise it now....but, im scared its too late ow...

I miss my mum now...:(