but, anyway, i guess i wanna let you guys know that i will take some time off from buznett and maybe instant messasing (im always in that these days). I have to go somewhere, i dont know for how long..i need to do something that i should have done long time ago. I think this is the time i need to do it. Its not that i dont want to continue being in here, but i dont think they will allow me to get online or using internet at all....i wanted to, but you know..i have to obey them somehow..im pretty sure about it..

i guess, i will only talk to people who close to me, im pretty sure that they will allow me to bring my cellphone along..so, if you guys have my number, i'll probably talk to you..thats a sure thing...:)..but, i never give them to anyone especially,,uummm you know :)

this thing could lasts a month, 4 months..a year..i dont know. but, i'll try to send email to some ppl that always send me email.you know who you are :)...i'll write my email address for you who forget my email somehow when im done..

dont worry guys, im not going to rehab, prison or anything like it...its just i need some momment to set my life back in the place it used to be...

anyway, i've told my girlfriends to get online for me if she got time.she's online sometime next to me when im online..if you guys got a weird message or note, she wrote that!...im gonna miss her so much for sure...and of course you guys too...all of you guys whether the one who always send me note...you guys who added me, but never talk to me...and you, who read this journal now...

i will come back, so....peace out!!! whatever

diedraangel@yahoo.com
diedraangel@gmail.com

life!..at least right now, i feel a lot better..yesterday was really a mess for me...everything went wrong and i almost got myself run by a car yesterday on my way home...

actually..the thing is...i feel like i've let down everyone all these while, my entire life...the ppl close to me i mean...and i just realised that lately....when i'm alone...i thought i always got my friends...i always got the feelings that im living in a very interesting and fun life..i always get what i want......gotta admit that, i never feel alone until now..

i've done and said things about ppl, even to my best friends in my entire life...bad things .. and i feel fun doing that...and the stupid thing is..I DONT EVEN REALISE THAT ITS A BAD THING TO DO...you should never do that cos it will hurt someone...in my case everyone!....if i could, i wish i could...i will turn back time and redo everything....i will never do or say anything bad at all..BUT, ITS ALL TOO LATE NOW ..:(

everything went really bad to badest with my life right now....everyhting went really wrong...everything i do..or go...it ended up bad...my life is not fun anymore...i dont need my friends to say that to me...i realise it myself...

i wanna change myself now..my life..eveyrything before it too late...the hard thing is, i dont know how...how i'm gonna do that..i try to imagine that when i hungup with my friends, i'm a completely a different person...can we call that a fake!...but, dont worry..i'll figure it out somehow...

but still, i really feel i've done a lot of bad things and let everyone down all these while...it will never go away...i always got that guilt feeling inside of me for a very long time.... i never say sorry to ppl, i mean sincerely....that should explain how bad i am...

i guess...we should believe that..when you do or say bad things to ppl, it will actually turn back straight to you...even harder....

i'm glad i realise it now....but, im scared its too late ow...

I miss my mum now...:(